I Have Amazing Depth Perception

And now the Weekend Update brought to you by Pillsbury Croissants!
Four days out of the month. Four days I dread more than the dentist, tests, and mushrooms on pizza. Four days... I have to swim in the lake with the kids.
I abhor swimming in the lake. I have never been a great (nor good) swimmer and dont enjoy being in the water. I love a great shower, but that is as far as my water love goes. I even have to wear gloves when doing the dishes so my fingers dont get all raisin-y. So whenever we go up to the lake house, I try to think up excuses not to go in the water. It doesnt help that the girls are practically mermaids. It wouldnt be so bad if I didnt fear fish biting me and my legs getting caught in weeds. I know that those are irrational worries, but just the idea in my head of a fish coming near me makes my pulse race and my Fight or Flight reflex activate. And we all know I wouldnt win in a fight. Plus I hate how I look in a bathing suit, so I'm extremely hesitant to put one on and jump in. At least I have one of those floaty noodles (lovingly coined Samuelson) so I dont drown in a panic when one of the girls comments on the fish she saw swim by.
I spent my "downtime" reading. The one book I had brought with was horrible for me. Maybe you will understand why... here is an excerpt:
' "I dont know. I just - just feel you - bristle when - when someone gets - attention. Why?"
"I - I dont think I - bristle," retorted Glenna.
"Yes - you do. I've felt it - often."'
end excerpt.
Dear God! The hyphens!!! And the book was just filled with them! The characters must have all had speech disorders to be stuttering every freaking second! And my poor head... Every time I saw a hyphen, I paused in my head. That's what you are supposed to do. I think the book took about two hours longer than it should have with pauses alone! Granted, it was a good book. I could relate quite a bit to the main character. She always felt in competition with everyone. Also she had a distorted image of herself. While I do not think I have a misinterpretation of myself in my head, I must say that others think otherwise. I do not think of myself as a person worthy of attention, yet (back home especially) many of my guy friends would like to become more than such. And to be completely honest, I am not sure why. Since they have no interest in me before becoming friends, it surely has to be my personality. Goodness knows it cannot be my looks. Compared to my peers I look like a busty twelve-year-old. Not sure what about my personality would be attractive. But I am an acquired taste. I am sarcastic, to the point, overly playful, somewhat lazy, not extremely talented at anything, highly competitive and sharp tongued. Not many people consider those qualities highly sought after. Haha. And it is funny because there are so many things that I would not put up with in a relationship. Yet I myself am certainly nowhere near perfect. That is one thing that I have learned while here..... things that I would not put up with. Mike and Carrie... how they treat each other. It disgusts me. It would seem to an outsider like they were preparing for a divorce, not marriage. They constantly yell and undermine each other. The way they react to things... it isnt with love or even affection. It is one thing to have different parenting methods. It is another to take everything out on everyone else. I wouldnt be able to handle it. A quick example:
This Friday while Mike was driving the family to the lake house we got into an accident. Firstly you need to know that Sam and I did not have seat belts on and Mike's driving scares me, so I was on edge already. It is hard enough to fit four people (one with hips) in the back seats but nearly impossible when one has to have a booster seat (legally required starting July 1st) . So Sam and I were seatbeltless. We were on the highway and there are cars all around us as it is rush hour. All of a sudden in front of us there is a bumper in the middle of the road. Mike cant swerve because he would hit another car, so he is forced to hit it. It gets stuck underneath the car and we're scraping by still at 80mph. Mike tries to pull over, but the entire time he and Carrie are yelling at each other over whose fault it is. Mike says he cannot pull over far enough, but cannot keep driving otherwise the car will start on fire. The girls, hearing this, burst into tears. Sam literally jumps into my lap and sobs. Carrie yells at Mike for scaring the kids and the arguing continues. All this time nothing is helping the situation. If it were me, the first thing I would do is ask if everyone was alright. Never once was the question posed to the girls. They were so shaken and I'm sure that seeing their mother calm would have helped a lot. I certainly would not have yelled at my husband. It was an accident that nobody was at fault for. Trying to blame him... I would be the one making a joke about it making sure that everyone was safe and sound. It was handled horribly. So yeah, that is something that I would never put up with. They also never show affection for one another. Not even a loving glance. I would need someone that would put his arms around my waist while I am cooking something and tell me how great it smells (even if it reeks, and then I would tease him about it). Mike and Carrie both just come home, eat dinner, watch television, scold the kids and go to bed. I couldnt live my life like that. I would smother my kids with kisses as soon as I got in the door, ask my husband how his day went, turn on music after dinner and dance until my feet hurt. Give a back massage, play with the kids, and watch Wheel of Fortune (God bless you, Vanna White). Every night the kids would go to bed knowing they are loved, not a nuisance. I just dont understand how people can treat each other so. As always, I am reminded how extremely lucky I am to have parents that cared for me and each other.
I had to be sneaky this weekend. As I have stated before, these people dont eat. Especially during the weekends. Breakfast if one is lucky, and lunch OR dinner. So we really eat once a day at around 2pm or 8pm. Normally I bring my own food so that I do not starve but this week I forgot to get something. I had to improvise. Saturday night Sam and Athena slept over at a friend's house and Mike and Carrie went to a neighbor's to get drunk. I knew that the time had come... so I put Audrey to bed and snuck downstairs. I turned on the oven, took the croissant dough out of the fridge, and went to work. After the croissants had been baked, I covertly ran back into my room, all the while holding the pastries like I had captured the heir to the throne. And I ate them all in my attempt to cover my tracks. An entire container of croissant rolls... eaten in one night. Ugh. SO bad! .... but so good....
I am about to fall asleep. So I hope that if you are reading this, you have a superb night. And if you see the guy I'm supposed to fall for, please tell him to hurry up. I'm tired of being so lonely.

xoxo